It wasn't completely honest to say I didn't care at all

I thought about it again, it isn't jealousy that's creeping in. Because nothing has been taken away from me. You can only be jealous when someone else has taken the role you want to play. And I know that isn't the role I want to play. It's possibility/impossibility DOES NOT matter. Logic makes so much more sense than emotions at times.

Just that, I can't help but doubt if that was to merely fill those empty voids and gaps. I feel like an empty cup with a hole at the bottom. When everything is over, we're all empty again. I can't help but feel like this happiness isn't going to last long, and everyone is going to be empty in the end. Maybe it's only because I haven't really been "filled" in the first place.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Saturday was spent doing VCW with nad in the afternoon and SOT with Haojing Youjin Kwokmeang Sylvester Gordon, STEP UP 3 with them plus another of their mate M and a dinner after that till we got chased out of Manhattan Fish Market at 11.

They're the people who wouldn't hang out with me after school (more than sure) and wouldn't even contact me after JC but the past 8 months of SOT lectures and dinners after that weren't bad at all. I did enjoy myself with a group of people I didn't know well at all and amazingly, quite like myself. The bubbly side of myself at least.

You could say it's abit like filling myself up at that moment and the water drains away much faster than nice talks I have. Somehow I just manage to still find the joy in that because of having no expectations and worries about contacting them in the future.